Just when everything seems to be headed up, and this cancer getting behind me, it seems as if someone or something has pressed the repeat button. I guess such is life.
I started having back pain June 24th. I thought it would go away. Its getting worse and feels alot like the pain from the epideral. Its focused on one spot on the left side of my back. Cancer has made me paranoid. I try not to think of the worse, but somehow it slowly, and unknowingly makes its way into my mind.
I'm not myself. I haven't been for almost 8 months. The pain I can deal with. Its the emotional side effects that no doctor can cure or make cancer easier to bear. I can only carry myself for so long before I have a/some down day(s). Its hard for people to relate to the marathon going on inside a cancer fighter/survivor's head.
I have another CT scan scheduled for this week. I go into that dreadful place (Outpatient Center), which feels like a morgue more than a hospital, and the only thing that keeps the place lively is seeing the new mothers hold their babies before getting their Bilirubin tests and workers like Rose. The sights and smells, not to mention that contrast I have to drink, make the scan more difficult to complete. They always ask if I want to get my images before I leave. I nod my head in opposition. I want to get out of that gown and get out of there. Its not like I can go to Happy Sumo or Tucanos for celebration that I got through another day and another test. I spend the rest of the day in the bathroom. Talk about insult to injury.
Before posting this section, I read through some of my previous posts to see what has gone on lately. I can almost certainly say that this is just muscular pain that I am feeling. I think the cancer has made me paranoid. We'll see.
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