As I walked into UVRMC with Jacqui and Avery, I commented to Jacqui that this hospital isn't giving me the negative feelings that the Outpatient Center does. UVRMC is the place that brought happiness through all of this - Avery.
The reason that I enjoy Avery coming with me to doctor appointments is to fill that never ending time before they actually call you back to a room. Then you are left to stare at the same posters that you could recite word for word. There is one thing I have noticed. This change is quite the movement for me. It began about a week ago. I don't show emotions any more. I can't tell if its because I don't have the energy to show it, or the medications are suppressing it.
After having the nurse play pin cushion on my arm, we met with Dr. Rich fairly quickly this time. He gave me two options for the chemo. One, BEP x3, is a common cocktail that I have seen for a lot of urological cancers. The other, EP x4, is the same drugs as the other, only omitting the Bleomycin, and adding another 3 weeks to the total length. The schedule will be tentatively as follows; Week 1: Infusions for 6 hours each day, Monday through Friday. Off Week 2 and 3. Repeat that cycle 4 times. Dr. Rich did agree that a Port is a good option. I will have that implanted tomorrow or Friday. I will also be getting an MRI to make sure that the cancer hasn't spread to my brain.
Have you ever had the feeling that things aren't going the way you thought they would? When we purchased our Jeep last year, I elected to get the Life and Disability added to it the loan amount just in case. I called MACU tonight to find out what the requirements for them to make the auto payment while I am out of work. Well, the disability coverage is only for Jacqui, who is the primary account holder. Maria, the MACU service rep, did tell me that the life insurance does cover both people on the loan. Thanks. That's real comforting.
I have read a few different posts on TC-cancer.com and am thinking about what I will do. Cancer is not a personal struggle in many aspects. However, there are still things that go on in my head that no one knows about. Perhaps someone who has been through cancer knows that there are things that are personal challenges that no amount of talking or therapy will help with. Its something that is worked out between me and God. I originally thought that I would be going to Jacqui's school on Tuesday after my infusion to shave my head. I don't know if emotionally I can take being around that many people and seeing a side of me that I haven't imagined. Perhaps being at home, with just Jacqui, and make it a growing experience between us two would be best. The last time I went into the bathroom and buzzed my head was when I was dating Jacqui and she offered to cut my hair. I didn't like the way that it looked, so I cut it off. This time she will be in there with me.
Patience is a great teacher. I have had to gain a lot more of it through all this cancer treatment time. Speed of life is going down as well. I need to enjoy every second of every day. My life was much to fast to enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells.
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