Two days remain for class time at Utah Valley University. Senior-itis is a real problem. Its difficult to continue to stay focused in all my classes when my mind wonders how life will be outside school. It will only be for a while out of school and lower stress. I am one step away from Graduate School. I have decided on Southern Utah University. The have a Master of Accountancy program that fits nicely into the plan for the growing family.
These milestones in my life, the ones in this blog, and the ones unwritten, determined who I would become. For now, everything is great, and life is going on as it is planned.
First, two years removed from cancer is a miracle. There were days and times that I really thought that life would be too hard to continue. Jacqui kept by my side the whole time. She now admits that she did it more for selfish reasons than for me or my health. She didn't want to be alone and have to raise a new child. I'm glad she thought of it that way and because she LOVES me. Its a great feeling. I am glad to have a lady on each hand every day. They don't compete for kisses, for I have LOTS of them.
Next, cancer can have a detrimental effect on the ability to remember things. This is evident when Jacqui starts sentences with 'remember when..' or I look at photos of Avery. I remember some of the delivery, and when Avery was real young. I missed out on some of her first year's milestones. Those are things that I can never get back. If there is one thing that I do enjoy, is the photos that Jacqui took during that time. I'm grateful that she has been doing a book for Avery of those times early in her life. Another problem is those first two Accounting courses that I took. They are the foundation for all Accounting, and the were pre-chemo. I had to relearn all of that on top of the new material in the new classes. I am grateful for the professors at Utah Valley University for answering my beginning questions in advanced classes. I was definitely behind my peers and had to work even harder to complete the courses.
Another tiny miracle in the past two years has been the growth within our family. Avery is growing rapidly. She is a very smart young girl but at times can be a dramatic teenager. I see her growing into a strong-willed and beautiful woman like her mother plus a few inches in height. I enjoy how she invites me to play and be a friend.
Lastly, something that everyone who encounters chemo, and especially reproductive cancer chemo treatment, is fertility. Losing fertility is growing problem in the United States, and I didn't need any more reason to not have children. Having a family with more than perfect size (two kids, boy and girl) is something we have always wanted. When Dr. Landau suggested that we save sperm for any future children that we may have, it was hard. Jacqui was pregnant and we were focusing on getting me healthy and a healthy new baby. It seems greedy every time we would go the the doctor because there were people having fertility troubles and we were already pregnant.
One year removed from chemo, Jacqui and I decided that we would test to see if we would be able to give Avery a sibling. There were mixed results. My sperm count was extremely low. It was expected but not that low. We decided to give it a try to get number 2. We worked starting in October of 2012 with assisted reproduction using the sperm that we saved from 2010. This was difficult because there were high success rates for the treatment that we were doing but we did not have any success. Lots of money spent and disappointments piling up, we gave it a rest with the assistance. And what do you know, JACQUI IS PREGNANT AGAIN. No assistance needed. We are grateful for the tiny miracles that have led us through this rough time and the ability to care for and raise children in a loving home and understand the importance of love and compassion.
For those reading this for the cancer support, look at the outcome that you want and stay focused. Trust the doctors and nurses. Stick to your goals. There is a path that can get you to where you want to be. You have to stick to it and never give up. Find someone that has supported you and express your gratefulness to them and keep them close. Don't let go of the people that matter. They are the ones that stick by you in rough times and are there to sit in the boring infusion rooms or hospital rooms while you try not to puke. If they care enough to stick with you, they are worth everything you are. Stick with them and get through your treatments. When you get through and get your all clear, express that love daily.
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