Mind Games

Cancer does strange things. Not only is an uncontrolled growth of normally good cells, it also makes one contemplate on strange scenarios. I have been doing much better since my RPLND in December. The incision is healed, and I am gaining weight back that I lost.
Tomorrow is March 1st. That means its time to go back to the Outpatient Center to get blood work and imaging done. I'm not sure what to think. I have been having sharp pains in my stomach. I'm not sure what can be contributing to it. It could be the incision still healing and the muscles aren't completely attached. It could be my awesome Avery kneeing me in the stomach when she lays on my chest. Worst thought... It could be cancer. My biggest fear is having to watch my wife do everything, habing to ask for time off from work, and doing chemo. My worst fear is having to watch Avery grow these next few months without being able to hold her or talk to her.
The series of events have been on shuffle. Cancer shouldn't be something that a college student should have to go through. Even worse is seeing children going through cancer treatments. I should be living a wonderful happy life with my wife and little daughter. That isn't how it worked out. There is something that God is teaching me that I have yet to realize.

I was presented a check from Westside Elementary School for $1,800. They raised money through their Penny Wars. It has been the most money to date that the school has raised. Last year wasn't so bad for cancer treatment costs. There has been a change with our insurance and the amount is going to increase significantly. If I could go back to Westside for a redo of the presentation, I would. Cancer evokes every emotion possible. I was unable to say everything that I wanted to because of those emotions. If those young children knew the potential that they have to do good, to save people's lives, they would work harder with their school work, gaining that foundation for their futures. They need to understand the significance in the medical advances that allowed me to be alive this long.
Through all the cancer, there is one thing that I have done. I haved slowed down everything that I do. Walk a little slower and see the surroundings. See the faces in the halls. Give someone a smile as you pass. Notice the engineering marvels that we overlook everyday driving on the interstate. The greatest thing that I have done by slowing down is to control to ADD that my wife diagnosed me with. I used to be, 'run fast, be early, enjoy fast'. Now I just stare into both sets of eyes. Those little eyes of Avery's are very interesting. There are still things that I am noticing about them today. As I get closer to understanding her, she is showing more emotions. She is smiling, laughing, and looking at me when I say her name. Having Avery here is definitely keeping me as positive as I can through all the challenges.